Homesick...

Fall is one of my favorite times of year, but I'm realizing that it is probably the hardest time for me, too.

I started off this weekend with an emotionally draining Friday, but a wonderful dinner with my best girlfriend, Hannah.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling refreshed and excited, and had a really great day. A good night of sleep was what I needed. I was productive around the house, I went to Tae Bo, I adventure-walked around my favorite place in Nashville (Radnor Lake) with a girlfriend, I celebrated a friend's 30th Birthday at one of the {for lack of a better word} coolest places I've been to in Nashville (The Sutler), and made a few new friends.

{I love meeting new people, especially when they become friends!}

Saturday I was back in the game.

And then I woke up this morning, irritatingly early, with an empty, hollow feeling inside. I wish I could say this is a rarity, but the truth is that this is becoming a more-common-than-not occurrence for me lately. I went to church, and though there were hundreds of people around me, I still felt completely alone.

{Fellow social butterflies, you know there are few things worse than feeling alone in a crowd.}

Last year I dealt with seasonal depression pretty severely for the first time in my life around this time of year, and started taking Vitamin D daily.

This year, I am still taking Vitamin D daily, so I'm thinking that a big part of what I was experiencing then, and experiencing now on a less intense level, but still experiencing nonetheless, is a deep homesickness.

It is hard for me year-round to be without my family, but the Fall is especially hard. The holidays, the cooler weather (well, not really in California, but we pretended and took every opportunity we could to wear boots and a scarf), the time that is allotted for family. All of it. It is all much better when spent with family. At least for me - my family is marvelous.

Around this time two years ago I decided I was going to move across the country to a place I knew no one, had never been, and would have an "adventure of a lifetime!" I never really thought of what it would be like during the extended hard times. In fact, I really didn't think much about the hard times, because who thinks about those when you're getting ready for something exciting?!

By nature, I'm an optimistic, bubbly, happy, often-too-open gal, and homesickness is taking its toll.

So, tonight I decided to bake cookies. Baking is something I used to love to do more than most things, and it is something that I have stopped doing in the past couple of years. Partly because I moved in with roommates a couple years ago and had packed up my kitchen stuff; partly because I didn't have time; partly because I was gaining a lot of weight from eating all that I was baking.

As silly as it sounds, standing in the baking aisle at the grocery store today was refreshing, and rejuvenating.

I decided I would make plain, simple, chocolate chip cookies. I have only made them to perfection one time in my life...until tonight.

The familiar routine of measuring the flour, baking soda, and salt; beating the sugar, brown sugar, and melted butter together; adding the eggs in one at a time; folding in the chips; was exactly what I needed.

I needed something that felt like home while I was missing home so much.

And the fact that my cookies turned out perfectly was a nice added bonus!

While thinking about this blog throughout the day, I couldn't escape this reoccurring thought: I will have two gloomy posts in the span of a couple of days. What are people going to think? 

But then I thought: I'm probably not the only one who is feeling like this. 

So, alas, here I am, once again living {maybe too} candidly, sitting at my cute, clean dining room table with Cam's painted pumpkins as the centerpiece, my pumpkin candle burning, typing away on my computer. Another routine that feels like home.

While I have to wait for 16 more days until I am actually home, spending much needed time with my family, I am feeling a little better tonight. And eager to get home.

I am eager to bake and talk about anything and everything with my mom and my sisterinlaw in preparation for our Thanksgiving feast, all while laughing way too loudly and drinking Bailey's in our coffee.

I'm eager to ride in my dad's new truck, get caught up on how his work and his old-man-hockey (yeah, he's a stud) are going for him. And to hear his laugh when he gets really tickled over something.

I'm eager to hear about how my brother's work is going (he's an ICU Nurse), and to hear how he is probably already outshining me as a teacher. And I'm okay with that.

I'm eager to play with my niece and nephews, and listen to all they want to tell me, and look at all they want to show me, and just be there with them as their Auntie who loves them more than anything.

I'm eager to spend this much needed time with my family.

One of the hardest things I've realized about my adventures is that they often lead me somewhere alone. But, I've also realized through being alone what is most important, and appreciate those things in a deeper way than I ever have before.

So, to start off this Thanksgiving season right, I am thankful for these tough times. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to experience them, and also have the opportunity to go home and get filled back up.

I hope you all are able to reflect on all that you are thankful for, whether big or small, and truly appreciate this season, even in the difficult times.

Until next time, y'all!