...Big Changes Ahead...

I am realizing that, though I have had an itch to write for the past several months, I have had nothing to say. Thoughts have spun around my head, but nothing tangible has ever lasted long enough to type, or write down. I now understand what it means to experience "writer's block." And, as someone who expresses myself best in text, it is a hard process to accept and go through.

I think I've recognized that when I am able to write, it is because I am either overjoyed at what is going on in my life, or I am at a crossroads where I have completely lost all control, and have to surrender everything over to God. And that is where I am at right now.

Tomorrow marks 8 full years of teaching: 3 years in elementary school, and 5 years in high school. And I have made a decision that many may call foolish, or reckless. But I am calling it faith:

I resigned from my position as a high school teacher, 
and I have no job lined up for next year.

And it is terrifying.

But,

though I have successfully calmed down a few near-panic attacks,
though I have interviewed and applied at several places without a job offer yet,
though I have packed up my classroom,
though I have no idea what my future holds,

I do know who holds it.

Right now, I am living out what it means to take one day at a time. Luke 12:25 means a lot more to me right now than it has, maybe ever:

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"

Though I don't know much, I do know this for my future:

*I still have a job at J. Alexander's, so my bills will be paid
*I will have health insurance through the end of August
*I have made friends for a season, a reason, and a lifetime at Summit
*I know that God is in control, and no matter how much I try to take the reigns, He will always get His way
*I know that He will provide all that I need
*I will be looking for a new place to live with Cam in a few months
*I will be living in Tennessee for at least one more year (but most likely many, many more!)
*I get to see my parents in TWO DAYS!

At the end of the day, despite my unnecessary worrying, I can rest knowing that all things will work out exactly as they should.

And because of that, I can continue on this adventure that I have been called on with excitement and expectation.

Until next time, y'all!

2013: A Year of Adventure...

On December 30th of 2012, I drove to Solvang (a small Dutch town in central California) with my friend, Blythe. As we drove out of Los Angeles, we chatted about what was going on in our lives at that moment, experiences throughout the year that had changed and shaped us, good times and hardships that we had gone through, guys...everything expected for two gals driving in a car for several hours to talk about.

The one thing, however, that we talked about that still rings in my ear today is that at her church, several people pray for a word (literally) for the upcoming year. Rather than setting a New Year's Resolution, which too often are broken or forgotten shortly after they are made, they take this word and focus on it throughout the year, as they believe it is something that God is giving them.

At first I felt hesitant with this. It felt uncomfortable, and a bit forced.

But, as we continued to drive, and talk ceaselessly, I knew that, without asking, God had already given me my word for 2013.

Adventure.

I had been praying about moving to Tennessee for about a month, but hadn't really told anyone aside from family. I was pretty confident that God had put it on my heart to move there. In all honesty, I felt that it was a bit crazy knowing that my future held for me a life in a place that I had never visited, and really never had any desire to visit prior to a conversation with my mom where it popped into my head around Thanksgiving.

Adventure.

I continued to get more and more excited to see what 2013 had in store. I spent a wonderful New Year's Eve with my sister-in-law and niece and nephews, and wouldn't have had it any other way.

Adventure.

It kept coming back up in my mind.

When school started back up, I told my principal that I was going to apply for a Leave of Absence so I could have an adventure in Tennessee for at least a year. At that point, I hadn't applied for my Tennessee Teaching License, hadn't looked at any of the school districts to see where I would maybe want to try to get a job, I didn't even know exactly where Tennessee was on a map (I knew it was in the south, but I didn't realize that it is one of the best areas to live, due to its central location - it touches eight states and is driving distance to so many great places). I just knew that I was supposed to go and have an adventure beyond all that I had expected.

Over the next few months...
*I got my Tennessee Teaching License so easily that I knew I was on the right track with my decision
*I was offered an elementary teaching position after a 30 minute phone conversation with a principal in Nashville (one of my assistant principal's knew her, so he got us in contact), but I declined it, as I realized that though 6 years before I had started as an elementary teacher, I had transformed into a high school teacher
*I booked a plane ticket, along with a few girlfriends, to spend Spring Break in Tennessee exploring the area, interviewing, and seeing if it was really a place I could live
*I spent the night before we left on our trip (#NashBash2013) looking at a few districts websites, along with watching several videos of the different schools in the area, and fell in love with one: Summit High School. The kids reminded me of my kids at San Juan Hills, so I knew I would go there first.

The week we spent in Nashville was one of the most fun weeks of my life. Each day I would wake up around 6:45am/7:00am, get ready, leave to go to interviews/drop off my info packet by 8:00am, come back between 11:00am and noon and wake the girls up, adventure all day, and go out until way too late (usually 2:00am or 3:00am), and then start the process over the next day. I think I got around a total of 18 hours of sleep that week, and it was worth it.

I fell in love with the city.

I fell in love with the school that I had fallen in love with when I watched the video 2,000 miles away.

I got hired at that school, on my birthday, just hours before I boarded a plane to head back to California.

I fell in love with the adventure that I knew that I was about to have.

After we got home, I got pretty sick, as I was completely exhausted and sleep deprived. But I didn't mind. I saw unfolding what I had been praying and hoping and dreaming about for the past several months. And I was ecstatic.

The next couple of months were overwhelming. I had to finish teaching up the school year, I had to pack up (and get rid of most of) my classroom, pack up my house (and, again, get rid of most of my stuff), and mentally prepare to leave what I had known for nearly my entire life - my family, my friends, my work, my life - and head into the vast unknown of this adventure I had been waiting for months to begin.

The emotions leading up to the day that I drove away were draining. At times I didn't think I would actually be able to leave, and at other times I didn't think I could wait one more day to leave.

At his Teacher of the Year party, Joe Snedeker (endearingly known as Sned) reminded me that I could always come back once I left, but that if I never took this step I would regret it for the rest of my life, always wondering what could have been. This was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It gave me the last push and added excitement that I needed to leave.

On July 2nd, after preparing as much as I could, I drove away. It had begun.

Adventure.

On our drive, my road trip pal, Jordan, and I had such an incredible time. We made a stop at the Grand Canyon, drove through some intense summer storms, explored around a tiny dinosaur museum, stayed with my family in Oklahoma, listened to audio books and several albums to pass the miles, and saw some of the most incredible beauty that this country of ours has to offer. In 3 days, we drove over 2,000 miles, through 7 states, and arrived in Nashville on July 4th to fireworks and a warm welcome from my new roommate, Traci.

I was lucky to be able to go home just a few weeks after moving here for my sweet roommate's wedding. It was perfect. A touch of life out here, a touch of home, and then on to start my life in Tennessee. In those few weeks, I lived with Traci (a gal I met through a co-worker), met a bunch of new people who would become friends, found a place to live for Cam and I, and slowly began to make my way around Nashville, Brentwood, Franklin, and Spring Hill without the assistance of Siri.

If I told you that once I came back from California, started teaching, started cheer practice and football games, moved into my new place, and truly started living as a resident of Tennessee was an easy transition, I would be lying. Everything was overwhelming, and I felt like I was at a stand still in the eye of a storm, watching as everything flew around me, chaotic and tempestuous: a new state, a new city, a new home, a new church, a new group of friends, a new job, a new district, a new school, a new staff, a new student body, a new set of policies, a new everything.

As anyone who has moved to a new place knows that it is hard, they also know that it is overwhelmingly incredible at the same time. Those first few days, and weeks, and months, were really hard and really wonderful at times. The ways that I have been stretched and forced to grow on this adventure that I have been so Divinely led on, have brought me back to a place of excitement that I cannot explain in words. Being very candid, I have at times wanted to leave and run back to the safety and comfort of California, where I have friends and family that would welcome me with open arms and without hesitation. And, though I miss them all terribly, and had the most wonderful time visiting with them over the holiday, I am so thankful that I have had the endurance and perseverance to stay here and continue on this adventure.

The times I experienced of loneliness, frustration, insecurity, confusion, and just feeling lost, have been over-shadowed by the times of joy, happiness, and excitement that a new place, a new pace, and a new life bring.

Last week while in California, one of my favorite gal's, Lisa, told me that

"Tennessee looks good on you." 

And I agree with her.

I have had the opportunity to meet some of the kindest and most genuine people here.

I have truly experienced what a southern gentleman is. And I'm not sure that I could ever settle for any man who is not just that.

I have experienced some of the scariest weather that I have ever been through, while alone, with friends, or driving. And, though I can laugh at some of the experiences (and times I have humiliated myself in front of others -- be prepared for a blog on that to come soon!) that I have been through, I know without a doubt that the terror will come right back with the first sound of the tornado siren, or the first flash of the lightning. I'm a weather-wimp.

I have learned, sadly from first-hand experience, that without sunshine, seasonal depression is a real thing. And I have also learned, from first-hand experience, that vitamin D supplements do help to combat it! "Sunshine in a Bottle" is what I loving call those little pills.

I have learned that I am a much stronger person than I would have ever known had I not taken this huge step.

I have made some wonderful friendships, and experienced life in a way that I would not have been able to had I not stepped away from all that I had known.

I have looked back on the past 6 months of living in Tennessee and have realized that I love living here. I miss home terribly - my family, my friends, my old school, my old students, the perfect weather - but when it comes down to it,

I really love living here. 

And I am really excited to see what 2014 has in store.

I've been praying about my word for 2014, and I have it.

Perseverance.

In my Dictionary.com app, the definition is simply persistent determination. What a beautiful word, and future legacy, that I have been given for 2014.

I don't know exactly what this persistent determination will look like in my life. I have made a few resolutions, so I can start with those:

1. Read through the entire Bible in 2014

2. Do some sort of cardio for at least 20 minutes a day
(walking, hiking, working out, or some other creative form of movement...I just need more cardio in my life!)

3. Start a Joy Jar
(I'm not sure that this is what it was called on Pinterest, but basically you get a jar, and every time something good happens, or a prayer is answered, you write it down and put it in the jar. And then, at the end of the year, you can look back on all the good that happened in your life. I love this idea and am thrilled to have stumbled across it at the start of the year!)

As I have said before, and I'm sure I will say again, I am excited to see what is to come. For me, 2013 held true to my given word. I am confident that 2014 will do the same.

Happy New Year to you! I pray that you would find peace and excitement this year, both in the big adventures and the small, simple, day-to-day events.

Until next time, y'all!

Top 30 "Thanks" of 2013

I decided a few days ago that I was going to blog what I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving. But, as I like to have some fun twist on most of what I do, I decided to stick with my top 30, as this is my 30th year of life. Some of these may seem random, but they are what I am thankful for right now.

Aside from my top 5, the others are in no particular order.

Ladies and gentlemen, here are my top 30 "thanks" of 2013:

30. the smell of fresh laundry

29. my health

28. snow!

27. a fridge full of food (healthy and tasty)

26. organizing/getting rid of clutter

25. pillows - decorative and for sleeping

24. my amazing mattress - seriously, it's incredible

23. apple cinnamon scented things (candles, air fresheners, etc.)

22. wood burning fireplaces (haven't made a fire yet, but once I do expect a photo being posted)

21. FaceTime (allows me to feel like I'm "there")

20. adventure walks

19. peppermint mocha Coffeemate creamer

18. a week off of work

17. waking up naturally each day because of this week off of work

16. again, due to this week off of work, being able to make breakfast each morning and drink my coffee (refer to #19) with the ability to sit down and enjoy them

15. friends (with years of history, and new)

14. Pilates on a reformer (just took a class for the first time in over six months, and I'm feeling good!)

13. the ability to feel sore because my body is healthy enough to push it

12. little hints/tricks to cooking a successful and delicious Thanksgiving meal from my Ma

11. Christmas trees, Christmas lights, and Christmas music

10. a job that allows me to pay my bills

9. Pride & Prejudice (my favorite movie ever)

8. everything colorful

7. experiencing and appreciating a real Fall season

6. Instagram (may seem silly, but this has truly helped me feel as though I am still experiencing life with so many that I am not near)

5. random phone calls/texts that, though unknown to the sender, have made some of my hardest days easier

4. simple things that make me smile --> sweet texts/emails, unexpected kindness in strangers, finding a parking spot in a crowded lot, surprise smoothies in the morning from Cam, Christmas music, fresh flowers, etc.

3. my roommate, Cam #myroommateruleZ

2. my family - I know I say this a lot, but really my family is incredible. I still wonder sometimes how I was able to drive out of Southern California and willingly leave them. But, I am thankful for technology (texting, Instagram, FaceTime, Facebook, etc.) that keep us close.

1. my salvation - without this, I would have no hope, no everlasting life, and no idea of what grace truly means.

I hope that this has helped you to take a moment to reflect on some of the big and small things that you are thankful for. Happiest Thanksgiving!

Until next time, y'all!

Beautiful Life...

Very few times I have felt compelled to write. Now is one of those times.

I have been living in Tennessee for three and a half months, and I absolutely love it.

I love my friends.
I love where I live.
I love that one of my best friend's from California moved out here to be my roommate.
I love my church.
I love my co-workers and students.
Truly, I love my life here.

But lately I have been struggling with insecurity and doubt.

Those who know me best know this is uncharacteristic of me. I am sure that this comes with the territory of moving somewhere that I am completely unknown to everyone I come in contact with. Everything I say and do is new: there is no history to me, no story of who I am, no memories that go years back that I can laugh and reminisce with those around me. And at times I have felt utterly alone in the midst of a crowd. I knew these times would come, but there is nothing to do to prepare for them.

As I was driving home tonight from a friend's 30th birthday dinner, I had an epiphany:

I need to stop trying so hard, and just be.
I need to let go and let God do what He wants to do in and through me.
I need to trust that He knows exactly what He is doing. Oh, how trusting in the unknown and unseen has been my never ending struggle.
I need to stop worrying about what others think about me, and be who God created me to be: a loud-laughing, typically optimistic, ball of energy who doesn't mind being the center of attention, but will undoubtedly turn red once I am.

I was reminded tonight at that birthday dinner, surrounded by friends - some new to me as of tonight, some I have known since my first night in Nashville, some that I have become so close with it brings tears of joy to my eyes - that God is so much bigger than I am. I was reminded that I need to stop worrying, and stop trying to control everything in my life in the exact way I want it to go, and let it be.

This is one of the hardest truths for me to grasp: let go and let life happen as it will.

I know that I can't control what will happen in my future,
but I do know that God has a good and perfect plan for me,
and that it will all unfold throughout the duration of my lifetime in His perfect time.
I know that I will at times try to take the reigns back,
and that I will be reminded of this epiphany.
And I am okay with that.
I am confident that I can rest in the arms of my Savior
and trust that He is good.

What a beautiful life I have been given to live.

And what joy a chilly Tennessee Fall day, peppermint soy mocha, and thick scarves bring me!

Until next time, y'all!

There's no place like home...

This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go home! I am loving my time in Tennessee, but there really is nothing like surrounding yourself with family and friends for a few days to recharge.

My weekend started 15 minutes before school got out on Thursday afternoon. I had a 4:45pm flight, so I needed to leave then to beat any school traffic. There is a wonderful teacher, Lisa, that works with me in several of my classes, who was more than willing to take charge for those last minutes. I am more thankful for her than my words could express!

I was off. And I was excited.

I couldn't help smiling as I headed north on the 65 (I-65, or the Interstate, as the locals call it). But, there was also this deep feeling of contentment as I drove north. I knew that, though I was desperately excited to go home, I was also going to miss Tennessee.

After dropping off my car in Long Term parking, and getting through Security, I was in the air. I had been waiting for this weekend since before I left California in July, and I was aching to see my niece and nephews.

I arrived late on Thursday, so the real fun began on Friday!

After dropping my Ma off at work in San Clemente...

...I continued the morning with coffee and breakfast at Bagels & Brew with two of my best gals, Blythe and Camyron. {Camyron actually left on Saturday to trek across the USofA to be my roommate in Tennessee. And I can't wait for her to be here!}

After that much-needed hang out, I went over to my old Stallion-stompin' ground and visited my former colleagues during the Friday BBQ! It was so fun to catch up with them. So many things have changed (new teachers, new experiences, new classrooms for several), but so much was still the same. One of the things that I am finding so interesting in moving is that nothing stays quite the same, but the changes have so far been such that I don't feel out of place. 

I only have a few of the friends that I taught with pictured here. They are incredible. Really, it was so great seeing them. 

The Homecoming game that night was Harry Potter themed, and it was truly magical. It was so fun seeing more former colleagues and former students and cheerleaders. I didn't take that many photos, as I was busy catching up, so here is a little taste into the night.

I absolutely love hearing about my students' post-high school lives and see who they are becoming. It makes me feel like a proud mama. 

Saturday was one of those days in my life that will go down as "one of the best." Three months of not squeezing and laughing with my niece and nephews, and missing out on them grow even just a little in that time, has been the hardest part of my living in Tennessee. 

But, part of the beauty of family is that as soon as I knocked on the door and heard the excited squeals of "Auntie is here! Auntie is here!," I knew that these few short months did not matter in the grand scheme of things. I am so thankful that I was able to live near them for the time that I did, as they know me even though time has gone by.

Just little snippets into this wonderful weekend.

I had coffee with my parents at Coffee Importers (my favorite place!) in Dana Point on Sunday and then left for the airport. I really do miss seeing palm trees.

As the plane took off from Orange County, tears silently fell from my eyes for ten, fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. I'm not sure how long. 

Even though my heart ached so deeply from having to leave my family until Christmas, I had an undeniable peace about going back to Tennessee; a peace that I would not have thought I would have been able to have, or be okay with, a month ago. 

I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. Though I can't tell the future (I don't know if I'll be here for the rest of my life, ten years, five years, or just the duration of this year), I know that I am right where I need to be. I am excited to see where this leads me.

There is no place like home, but right now I have two homes. And that is fine by me.

Until next time, y'all!